Maybe its the way it is

I think i love him
or maybe I don't

I don't know... I w3ant to be with him, and then I also want to run.

Om att älska

Tiden passerar och jag kan inte säga det, jag pratar runt det, jag pratar över det, jag pratar om allt och inget. Men jag kan inte säga att jag älskar, orden faller inte över mina läppar.

Mina läppar är mjuka och när jag kysser dig säras de, släpper in din mjuka tunga. Dina händer pressar mot min kropp och jag känner din hårdhet mot min mjukhet. Jag faller in i din kropp och jag andas inte längre.

What you don't say

I love you, but I can't say it
I might never tell you

But I hope you can read my eyes

Don't leave it all up to chance
maybe I shold tell you?

I don't want you to hide and run

Love in the time of fall

Gray, gray with a leaf of yellow, a leaf of orange, a leaf of red and yellow, I walk down the street.
The smell of winter lingers in the air, I can smell the distant snow. I can feel the seasons changing and I long and I know. My jacket is just as warm as last year, my hand slightly cold in his. I smile into eyes that smile back at me.  The overwhelming feeling of not being alone, makes my heart jump, makes my heart live. I know he’s mine, but the fear is still there, don’t take him away, I finally found someone I can love, but don’t tell him I love him, it’s too early already.

Gravity brings the last leaves to the ground, my steps fight gravity and I leap in the air, around him, I can’t stop smiling, my hand a little warmer in his pocket. He wraps his arms around me, and I think we are in love know.

Maybe it isnt real, maybe I should be running, but I am tired of running, I am tired of fear, I am here, right now. 

Fuck you

I sometimes run against the stream - and i run and I run

and i am over, over and completly over it

your touch

I hold you lightly

your kiss is tender
yet not there

i fly and I cry
I long to be
and run away

That kiss and me - again

He smelled just the way I remembered, his arms strong around me, embracing me, holding me tightly, as if he was trying to save me from the world I was already so lost to. He whispered into my ear, something stupid, it tickled and I felt how I unwilling smiled, how my tense face turned soft for a minute. I tried to get under his skin, to get closer; I wanted to be the soap that my nose was detecting on his skin. My hands found the gap between the shirt and the jeans and I let them edge under, to reach the warm and soft skin on his back. I wanted to dig my short manicured nails into skin back, leave a mark. Anchor him in my world; make him my anchor, so I never could drift away. He tilted his head and gazed on me.

 I felt reality hit me, pumping thru my veins was overpowered by an intense feeling that I belonged, belonged in those arms, in this minute, that my world could be his world, or rather our world.

The memory of pale morning lights in a kitchen far away, a casual breakfast hit my brain. Me as a child having toasted bread with jam and an abundance of butter, being home. This moment was just like that, as if I was sinking my teeth into buttered toasted bread and jam, delightful and satisfying.

His t-shirt was simply white and detergent lingered in the fabric that stretched over his chest. My eyes locked with him and he saw me, really tried at least. My eyes as blue as the lake in the summer, black make-up artfully smeared around eyes that were dry even when I wanted to cry. He leaned over and kissed me gently, I felt lips so soft it sent shocks down my spine, I could taste the salt on his lips, from the sweat that now was drying on our bodies, I could feel how my body just pressed itself a little closer, how he reacted by intensifying the kiss, I was plastered to his body, wanting to get away but paralyzed by desire and shock. Saying he had me at hello would be a lie, but I was his for this moment and hours to come.