She's at the local bar in the semi-small town she lives in, she doesn't
really know anyone, but she lives there, and her family is far away. She just
turned 17, she learned one thing a long time ago, she is shy, she was
maybe pretty, but in some odd way she had manage to make friends in the past
two months and they seem to think she was cool. She looked around for the
friends she had gone to the bar with, the others with the fake ID's and her
they hadn't even carded, she never was, she always looked older. Earlier
that night some guy had hit on her, it did really make her excited, but she
laughed at him, she wasn't sure if it was a joke, she wasn't a very attractive
girl. Her hair short, her body lanky and always dressed in baggy jeans and washed out shirts and hoodies. Now her partners in crime where gone, the
girls that earlier had told her how much fun she was and the guys she had drunkenly
skated to the bar with. She shrugged and felt that pang of sudden loneliness.
Her head was
spinning and she just wanted to go home, the music was terrible and she didn’t
live far way. . She didn't want to be in the loud bar, she didn't want those
people around her. She just wanted to be gone,
She started to look
for her skateboard, but it was nowhere to be found, maybe one of the guys had
grabbed it for her. She just couldn't care, she just felt the world whirling
and all she wanted was to get out and go home. A guy grabbed her, and she shook
her head and told him to get off her, she left the bar while wrapping her
jacket around her. She decided on the
shortcut through some bushes, and her foot got caught and she fell down. The
ground damp and she laughs at herself for being such a clutz.
She feels her ankle hurting and she
grabs the bush to get up, just to fall down again. October nights are dark in
the north, there still isn’t any snow in the air, but she can smell it, the
cold that soon will be over them. She wish it was snowing and the snow slowly
would cover her, tuck her in. Once again she tries to stand up to get startled
by a voice above her, she rolls around in the shrubs.
“Do you need some
help” a voice asks her, a guy looks down on her, his voice is almost laughing.
She must look like a little troll, or in her case, a lanky good ol' troll. She
can take care of herself, she knows that and tries, he still helps her up and
her steps are unsure. Girl, I'll give you some help, where do you live? He
sounds concerned and look slightly familiar, maybe from the bar.
She points him
towards her house, it's not far, and he tells her to lean on him and slowly he
walks her home, her ankle hurting. She comes with and for some reason she trusts
him, his grip on her is firm and she’s just so tired. They find her apartment building and she
finds her keys, opens the door to the apartment and she walks in. He walks
after her, he follows her to her room and he kisses her and she shakes him off,
she says thank you, thanks for being there. Her bed is right there, and she wants
to lay down, so she lays down, her clothes are damp and she drifts of.
She wakes up, and
she's almost naked, and she shrugs, she’s cold, she feels nausea, the tequila
shots are catching up, and she is not
alone. He's panting, she can feel his excitement, her limp body slowly reacts,
she want to reject, she crosses her legs and all she can think is why and no, she
whispers no. He's now praying her legs apart, mumbling something she can't
hear. She's so confused. She can feel him, and she just drifts away, she's not
really there, she never was, she doesn't know.
She can feel him
breath beside her now, and she is drifting away again and when she wakes up
again she’s all alone. In the bleak morning
light he feels sore, ashamed and opens her journal. It's the last time she
writes in her journal, before she gets into the shower and has breakfast. She's
an idiot and she really doesn’t deserve anything.
Years later her
boyfriend touches her and she screams, and she never let him touch her again,
she never talks about it. She just rejects him, until he leaves her and she
knows she's strong and she gets drunk and she sleeps with so many men she can't
even count them, because it really doesn't matter, because it doesn't. It never does leave anything but a sting.
