Acctually written late december 2015
I can honestly say I don't know where we are going, I don't know how many times i have told you how I feel about you. I want to be with you. There have not been anyone else since I met you that have made me feel the way I feel about you. There been short romances, short hot feelings that left me pretty cold.
It soon has to come to an end, it have hurt me from the inside out, but I haven't been able to give up.
The way I feel when I sleep with your arms around me, the way I feel when you smile at me, the way I feel when you look at me, the way I feel when you hold my hand. Those feelings chase all that away.
Still I don't trust you, not yet, I don't trust you and it sucks, I just can't trust you. I used to really trust you. You told me you would be there for me when I needed you. You left me when I needed you the most, you ran into other arms, but can I blame you. I can blame that she used it to pierce my heart, to leave me bleeding on the ground and you did nothing. That I blame you for. I blame you for not telling me about it. I blame you for not keeping me safe.
My friends, even your friends have told me to let go, that I am just hurting myself, that you are to emotionally unavailable, that you are just stringing me along. That you like the attention, that you like having me, but not having me. And they are probably all right. Still I have this lingering feeling that it would be the mistake of my life and I would spend the rest of my life regretting it.
I was the safest in your arms. We never had the opportunity to really be who we are, even if we did. The city diminish us, it stresses us out, it shrinks me from running wild on the fields. To roll a round in the snow. I am so attracted to you, I've spent countless nights next to you, feeling how my blood running hot for you. Not wanting anything but to kiss you. Maybe I should have, but I had settled for being your friend, becasue I could not bear the thought of loosing you. Ever...
I know I am bad at asking for things, you told me to ask, and you promised and you didn't deliver. I tried not to ask for things, becasue I wanted you to want to do things for me. Not because I asked you, I wanted for you to miss me, not just repeat it back to me like a parrot.
I will see you in a month, it makes me happy and gives me a feeling that I want to throw up.
We all have those fantasies about walking into each others arms, to meet at the airport and see each other with tears. It's what happens in movies... and hey, you are in movies... I don't think we will, I am pretty sure that it will be an awkward moment of "should we kiss, should we hug or what should we do". I don't think we have any clue what we are to each other.
And to be honest I am not even sure I know, I want you to be with me, and I want you to touch me, I want to sleep next to you and I want you to be so close to me that your heart beats with mine. I want to kiss you and then look into you eyes, and feel the shivers of pleasure it sends down my spine. I want to dress up and look pretty for you and I want to roll around in the snow with you. I want to garden and have you quietly watch me. I want to lay and in bed and just listen to you work. I wanna go camping and be naked in a tent with you. I wanna go skiiing and compete. I wanna snowboard and show off... I want to share adventures and times with you.
Will it happen? I dont know! I dont know at all!
I can honestly say I don't know where we are going, I don't know how many times i have told you how I feel about you. I want to be with you. There have not been anyone else since I met you that have made me feel the way I feel about you. There been short romances, short hot feelings that left me pretty cold.
It soon has to come to an end, it have hurt me from the inside out, but I haven't been able to give up.
The way I feel when I sleep with your arms around me, the way I feel when you smile at me, the way I feel when you look at me, the way I feel when you hold my hand. Those feelings chase all that away.
Still I don't trust you, not yet, I don't trust you and it sucks, I just can't trust you. I used to really trust you. You told me you would be there for me when I needed you. You left me when I needed you the most, you ran into other arms, but can I blame you. I can blame that she used it to pierce my heart, to leave me bleeding on the ground and you did nothing. That I blame you for. I blame you for not telling me about it. I blame you for not keeping me safe.
My friends, even your friends have told me to let go, that I am just hurting myself, that you are to emotionally unavailable, that you are just stringing me along. That you like the attention, that you like having me, but not having me. And they are probably all right. Still I have this lingering feeling that it would be the mistake of my life and I would spend the rest of my life regretting it.
I was the safest in your arms. We never had the opportunity to really be who we are, even if we did. The city diminish us, it stresses us out, it shrinks me from running wild on the fields. To roll a round in the snow. I am so attracted to you, I've spent countless nights next to you, feeling how my blood running hot for you. Not wanting anything but to kiss you. Maybe I should have, but I had settled for being your friend, becasue I could not bear the thought of loosing you. Ever...
I know I am bad at asking for things, you told me to ask, and you promised and you didn't deliver. I tried not to ask for things, becasue I wanted you to want to do things for me. Not because I asked you, I wanted for you to miss me, not just repeat it back to me like a parrot.
I will see you in a month, it makes me happy and gives me a feeling that I want to throw up.
We all have those fantasies about walking into each others arms, to meet at the airport and see each other with tears. It's what happens in movies... and hey, you are in movies... I don't think we will, I am pretty sure that it will be an awkward moment of "should we kiss, should we hug or what should we do". I don't think we have any clue what we are to each other.
And to be honest I am not even sure I know, I want you to be with me, and I want you to touch me, I want to sleep next to you and I want you to be so close to me that your heart beats with mine. I want to kiss you and then look into you eyes, and feel the shivers of pleasure it sends down my spine. I want to dress up and look pretty for you and I want to roll around in the snow with you. I want to garden and have you quietly watch me. I want to lay and in bed and just listen to you work. I wanna go camping and be naked in a tent with you. I wanna go skiiing and compete. I wanna snowboard and show off... I want to share adventures and times with you.
Will it happen? I dont know! I dont know at all!
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